Braindead Shithead
Friday, February 03, 2006
custody battle looms for armstrong and crow
now that the breakup of doping cyclist lance armstrong and has-been pop singer sheryl crow is official, wrangling has begun for their one existing fat cell.
"she has tits," complained armstrong. "that should be enough fat for her!"
"no way," countered crow. "have you seen my tits? neither have i!"
the fat cell in question, which was formed shortly after crow consumed 1/2 a slice of velveeta cheese last october, is stubbornly affixed to crow's left thigh. rumors run hot that armstrong chose to leave crow as a direct result of the fat gain.
"she's really let herself go," lamented armstrong. "i didn't sign on for this kind of gluttony. i'm an athlete, dammit! still, it would be nice to have at least one fat cell. and i want that one!"
"i'm really worried about my chances of keeping the fat cell," admitted crow. "lance is all chummy with the president. he might intervene or something. this sucks. i totally need that fat cell for energy!"
custody of the fat cell will be decided by a judge later this month in austin, texas. it is unknown if the loser will be granted visitation rights.
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