Braindead Shithead

Boy builds rocket launch platform out of popsicle sticks, apparently for geometry class. Perhaps if he had paid attention in science class he might have been able to realize that there's a reason NASA doesn't build the Shuttle launch platforms out of 2X4s. Of course, being the little pyromaniac that all boys this age are, I suspect this project was a thinly disguised excuse to torch something. The fact that they then proceed to spend 6 minutes taping the remains burning also lends credence to this theory. Oh, and just for the hell of it, here's the launch of a real rocket too — Japan's M-5 rocket carrying the ASTRO-F satellite on February 21, 2006.

Now that Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, and Kingston James McGregor Rossdale have been born, maybe, just maybe, I can shake this horrible celebrity gossip habit.
Maybe.
Though, Britney Spears isn't due until October...something tells me that cold turkey just won't work for this.

Sorry about the lame title, but really, I got stuck with this one.
So, I was noodling about the internet, as is my wont, and happened upon this little gem.

Principality of Minerva

Apparently, back in Vegas in the '70s, as a result of what I can only assume was a cocaine induced brainstorming session, real estate mogul Michael Oliver, decided to make his own island and proclaim in a sovereign nation.

You can't make this shit up. It's too funny.

I could type a bunch of crap in here, but really, just go to the Wikipedia site to get an actual history of it.

That Principality thing, I have no idea if it's a part of the original Syndicate, the Ocean Life Research Foundation, or if it's some whack-a-doo who said "Hey, I think I'll name myself Prince of Minerva in exile! I wonder what the U.S. will do for me diplomatically..." I tend to lean toward the latter, but that's just me.

Well here it is, folks...the end of Multiplication Rock! I've really enjoyed presenting these classic segments not only for their quality, but also for the great service they provided me as a child. I still use the methods depicted in these videos. I have a 'head for numbers' and Multiplication Rock is the reason why. Rock on!

Here is Little Twelve Toes.

It's now possible to replace a defective, damaged, or diseased penis with a penis grown in a laboratory -- in rabbits.

But the finding promises an amazing new treatment for infants, boys, and men who suffer penis disfigurement. The replacement organ would be grown on a penis-shaped matrix seeded with cells from the patient's own body.
(heh, he said "penis shaped matrix")

Researcher Anthony Atala, MD, director of the Institute for Regenerative Medicine at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, reported the findings at this week’s annual meeting of the American Urological Association in Atlanta.

"Our goal is eventually to treat infants and adults with birth defects, penis trauma, or penis cancer," Atala tells WebMD. "But this is a future goal. We are now deciding which animal model to explore next."

While human trials are still far off, the Atala team's recent accomplishments make their goal highly credible. Atala and colleagues recently reported successfully using much the same technique to replace defective bladders in human children with spina bifida.

In the rabbit study, Atala's team removed the penises from rabbits and entirely replaced the organs with penises grown from the animal's own cells
(um, ow.)

My Commentary...
Okay, while I'm all for being able to grow new shit for people, is a penis really the next thing to work on?
"Hey, we made a bladder...dude, do you think I could make a penis?"
There's no effective treatment for female sexual dysfunction, and yet, look at us, we can make new penii!
Oo.
You know that there'll be porn stars all over this, to get a second penis.
Not happy with your size? Let's check out the upgrades...
I know there are people out there for whom this is a real problem, but seriously, I wonder how much government funding is going to this.



Via FoxNews and Fark.

Montag’s Minutepersons

Cross-posted at Kommandos Project

Okay, since I don't have t.v., I usually hear about a cool commercial, then go to youtube to check it out.
This one, though, is different.
The commercial itself is a minute long, and the explanation for the commercial is almost 7 minutes long.
Though, it's still pretty darned cool.
As I'm sure everyone in the known universe has all ready seen this commercial, I'll be quick.
It's the Sony one with the bouncy balls.



And, here's the "Making of", which looks like it was quite fun, actually.

I'm in a very odd sort of mood tonight (which in and of itself is not that odd) so I've been cruising the various video sites looking for early performances from some of my favorite artists. In doing so I stumbled upon a bunch of old Jethro Tull on YouTube. It's really amazing to watch these old videos of Ian Anderson and the gang, some dating back almost 40 years. I wonder how or why Ian Anderson started perching on one leg like a flamingo when he starts really getting into one of his flute solos?

Fuck me, this is about the lamest thing I've ever seen.
But god, funny.

I'll credit my via's at the end, but here, in all its craptacular glory, is the Ice Capades, starring the Super Mario Brothers, and Princess Peach sounding a little too Mae West-ish for my taste.
Also starring, Jason Bateman, Alyssa Milano, and...even better...Mr. Belvedere.




Noticed via Pink is the New Blog, and Best Week Ever.

Can't get enough kicking and punching of the testicles? Here you go!



(Via)

Ever see some dumbass parked in a really bad place? I mean...really bad. Or how about the two-space parking guy? Don't you hate that guy?

Well now you can point out these Jackholes to the world with your "Nice Parking Jackhole!" sign. This sign comes courtesy of shiola.com. All they ask is you take a picture of the offending vehicle and send it to them. Sounds like a good deal to me.

Here is Lordi performing "Hard Rock Hallelujah". Man, GWAR was really ahead of their time.

Always wondered what happened to the Hanson dudes. Now I know.

They formed the band Apocalyptica to do cello covers of Metallica songs. Okay, I know those aren't the Hanson boys, and I have liked some of the soundtrack work from Apocalyptica, but I really didn't need to see them.

Comes this crime-stopping dude. He foolishly wrestles a robber in a convenience store (is $100 bucks and Slurpee really worth dying for?). This is totally reasonable behavior for a man that carries a cross around with him...all the time! Yeah, a cross--as in Jesus--all the time.

Say it with me...Only in Texas!

(Via)

So, I became Jay and Silent Bob's friend over on myspace. Because really, that will never happen in real life.
Anyway, this was one of their most recent "bulletins", and really, it was too fucking hilarious to NOT share.
Clearly, they have WAY too much time on their hands. What, is Clerks 2 done all ready?


The Barbie doll enjoys being one of the worlds most popular toys. However, along the way to getting that status, there were a number of doll variations that never quite made it. This is a list of the Barbie dolls that you most likely haven't seen on store shelves lately...

1. Scratch and Sniff Barbie (Use your imagination...we're not saying a word.)

2. Crash Test Barbie

3. Opera Barbie (complete with the horns and the brass brassiere)

4. Marie Antionette Barbie (with removable head; guillotine included)

5. Hiroshima Barbie (just a shadow of her former self)

6. Enron Barbie (Originally sold for $29.95, but now you can't give her away.)

7. Frozen Barbie on a Stick (in your grocer's frozen food section)

8. Divorce Barbie (includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's crap)

9. Broken Bungee Barbie

10. FrankenBarbie (green Barbie with bolts through her neck)

11. Shock Therapy Barbie (car battery and wires included)

12. Samuel L. Jackson Ken (He'll get medieval on your ass.)

13. Manic Depressive Barbie (with a set of Oriental throwing knives)

14. Biker Barbie (with leather jacket, tattoos, and red bandana)

15. Cheesehead Barbie (Wisconsin's best)

16. Dogsled Barbie

17. Peg Leg Barbie

18. Eye Patch Barbie

19. Politically Incorrect Barbie (Pull the string and she loudly blurts all your favorite racial slurs.)

20. Death Row Barbie (formerly ..30)

21. Life Size Anatomically Correct Barbie (for all you perverts out there)

22. Martha Stewart Barbie (comes with orange jumpsuit and color-coordinated accessories)

23. Homeless Barbie (complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart)

24. Tattoo Barbie

25. Burn Victim Barbie (bandages and Bactine included)

26. Venus de Milo Barbie (made of rock; no head, no arms)

27. Bulemic Barbie (Feed her, then make her throw it back up!)

28. Cyberpunk Barbie (includes 'trodes and implants)

29. White Trash Barbie

30. Serial Killer Barbie

31. Drag Queen Ken (Comes with three, count 'em, three, of Barbie's dresses.)

32. Acupuncture Barbie (not recommended or children under seven)

33. Voodoo Doll Barbie (see ..32 above)

34. Cannibal Barbie (Great visual imagery, huh?)

35. Fast Food Barbie (Also known as McBarbie...you want fries with that?)

36. Teenage Slut Barbie (see ..21)

37. Polar Bear Club Barbie (dip her in cold water, and her skin turns from pink to blue!)

38. Ski Bunny Barbie (soon to be ..59)

39. Sucking Chest Wound Barbie

40. Alien Barbie (Don't tell ANYONE...)

41. Ken In Black (protecting Barbie from the worst scum of the universe)

42. Alien Eyewitness Barbie (vacant expression, been flashed one too many times with the neuralizer)

43. Mafia Ken (With a violin case...you got a problem with that?)

44. Alcoholics Anonymous Barbie (With coffee mug and 12-step guide)

45. Mutant Barbie (comes with Dark Phoenix costume)

46. Las Vegas Showgirl Barbie (with skimpy dress)

47. FemiNazi Barbie (Pull the string and find out why men suck.)

48. Goth grrl Barbie (with black hair and lipstick, dog collar, and 20-hole Doc Martens)

49. Body Piercing Barbie

50. Napoleon Ken (stands 2" tall)

51. Midget Barbie (partner to ..50, above)

52. Spank-Me Barbie (see ..36)

53. Shish-Ka-Barbie (Here's one we'd all like to see!)

54. Knocked-Up Barbie

55. Chain Smoker Barbie (with Surgeon General's warning on box)

56. Tough B*tch Barbie (see ..14)

57. Junkie Barbie (Gotta love those needle tracks...)

58. Iron Maiden Barbie (No, not the band...)

59. Avalanche Barbie (buried in 16 feet of snow)

60. Hooker Barbie (..46 after the show)

61. Cross-Dressing Ken, er, Barbie, er, Ken (Who knows?)

62. Whoopie Cushion Barbie (Do you really need a description?)

63. Microsoft Barbie (Barbie doll with Bill Gates' head. Seeks to eliminate all other dolls.)

64. Realistic Teenage Barbie (flat chest, braces, and acne)

65. Internet Addiction Barbie (Pale complexion, bloodshot eyes, and coffee-stained clothes. Pull the string and she either spouts URL's or mutters to herself.)

66. Triple Espresso Barbie (pull the string and she shakes uncontrollably for hours)

67. Shop-'Til-You-Drop Barbie (with a wallet full of credit cards)

68. Collection Agency Ken (starts calling 6 months after you buy ..67, above)

69. Bankruptcy Barbie (formerly ..67 above; Chapter VII or Chapter XIII available)

70. Tasmanian Barbie (spins like a top)

71. Siamese Twins Barbie (Actually, I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins".)

72. Edible Barbie (also known as Choc-O-Barbie)

73. Hockey Barbie (With bruises, a hockey stick, and missing teeth.)

74. Triple Bypass Barbie

75. Diarrhea Barbie (Always on the run.)

76. Kleptomaniac Barbie (with suction cup hands)

77. Witch Doctor Ken (partner to ..33, above)

78. Elvira Barbie (with long black hair and skimpy black gown)

79. Werewolf Barbie (normal doll, except under a full moon)

80. Living Dead Barbie (use your imagination)

81. Bigfoot Barbie (sold mostly in the Northwest)

82. Cyclops Barbie (One eye, right in the middle of her forehead.)

83. Cyclops Ken (A perfect partner for ..45.)

84. Flying Hero Barbie (Yes, I know they made this one, but it's at least as ludicrous as anything we came up with.)

85. Spock Ken (pointy ears, one eyebrow raised)

86. Barbie of Borg (You will buy one. Resistance is futile.)

87. Hippie Chick Barbie (with bell bottoms, protest sign, and simulated controlled substances and paraphernalia)

88. Blaxploitation Barbie (With afro and provocative outfit. Shaft Ken sold separately.)

89. Head Trauma Barbie (I don't even want to talk about that one.)

90. Leprosy Barbie (with removable appendages)

91. Iron Lung Barbie

92. Texas Necktie Barbie (with gallows)

93. Safari Barbie (With rifle, pith helmet, and pygmy guide.)

94. Steroid Barbie (The rest of her physique is as exaggerated as her bust is on the normal doll!)

95. Steroid Ken (Highly exaggerated physique; Major League Baseball uniform included {specify desired team}.)

96. Rock Climbing Barbie (..9 with climbing gear)

97. Militant Femminist Barbie (..47 with an assault rifle)

98. Telemarketer Barbie (With headset and cheerful voice; your telephone is guaranteed to ring from 5:00 to 9:00 every night.)

99. Paraplegic Barbie (Her legs don't move.)

100. Quadraplegic Barbie (Neither do her arms.)

101. Cadaver Barbie (removable internal organs)

102. Hunchback Barbie (Pull the string and she cries, "Sanctuary! Sanctuary!")

103. Barbie Brain in a Jar (an empty jar!)

104. Circus Clown Barbie

105. Human Cannonball Barbie (complete with spring-loaded cannon that will shoot her 2-3 feet.)

106. Lion Tamer Barbie (Lion is included. Barbie's head is not.)

107. Freak Show Barbie

108. Bearded Barbie

109. Elephant Trainer Barbie (squashed flat)

110. Bladder Control Barbie (comes with a free box of Depends© undergarments)

111. Jabba the Barbie

112. Princess Leia Barbie (Barbie with the hairdo from Star Wars and the metal bikini from Return of the Jedi)

113. Darth Vader Barbie (Plastic helmet; pull the string and she sounds like James Earl Jones.)

114. Wookie Barbie (obnoxious blonde hair everywhere)

115. Han Solo Ken (frozen in carbonite)

116. Titanic Barbie (frozen in ice)

117. Padmé Barbie (Even Barbie wouldn't be stupid enough to fall for Anakin, would she?)

118. Anakin Skywalker Ken (You can pull the string if you want, but all he does is whine)

119. Mace Windu Ken (He'll get medieval on your a** . . . with a lightsaber.)

120. Sharon Stone Barbie (Is there a difference?)

121. 'Arnold' Ken (Big and buff, no neck; pull the string and he says, "Cahl-ee-FOR-nee-ah".)

122. Hobbit Barbie (short and squat with big hairy feet)

123. Godzilla Barbie (six foot tall lizard with Barbie head)

124. King Kong Barbie (six foot tall ape holding Barbie doll dressed like Fae Rae)

125. T3 Barbie (a study in silver)

126. Bugs Barbie (buck teeth, long ears)

127. Elmer Fudd Ken (bald with hunting hat and rifle)

128. Dirty Harry Barbie (Comes with large caliber pistol; pull the string and she says, "Go ahead. >giggle< Make my day!")

129. Power Ranger Barbie (has all the riculous outfits and karate-chop action)

130. Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbie

131. One-Eyed-Head-on-a-Spider-Made-from-an-Erector-Set-Barbie (just what it sounds like)

132. Potato(e) Head Barbie (also just what it sounds like)

133. Star Command Barbie (not a flying toy)

134. Quidditch Barbie (also not a flying toy)

135. Picasso Barbie (Everything's in the wrong place.)

136. Steamroller Barbie (looks a lot like ..109)

137. Roadkill Barbie (looks like ..109, but with tire tracks)

138. Backdraft Ken (perfect partner for ..25)

139. Stuntman Ken (comes with lots of Band-Aids)

140. Spear-through-the-Head-Barbie (formerly ..93)

141. Bow-Legged Barbie (High Stepper not included.)

142. Amazon Barbie (complete with leopard skin outfit)

143. Shark Attack Barbie (Oh, must we describe everything for you?)

144. Stampede Barbie (Kind of like below, except with cows...Yeeeee-haw!)

145. Barbie-Got-Run-Over-by-a-Reindeer (An excellent holiday gift idea!)

146. Disco Barbie (BeeGees CD included)

147. Trailer Park Barbie (For the parent who wants to show their child what grown-up life is really going to be like.)

148. Hypothermia Barbie (formerly ..59)

149. Battering Ram Barbie

150. Joan of Arc Barbie (comes with stake, kindling, and matches)

151. Rastafarian Barbie (She got dreadlocks and ganja, mon.)

152. Brickhouse Barbie (Built like a brick sh...well, you know.)

153. Medusa Barbie

154. Gangsta Barbie (Raiders jacket and rap CD included)

155. Hip Hop Diva Barbie (complete with CD and bare midriff outfit)

156. Mafia Barbie (Feet set in cement--she really sinks!)

157. Statue of Liberty Barbie (tall, green, corroded)

158. Cartoon-style 'Hit-in-the-Head-with-a-Falling-Anvil' Barbie

159. Barney Barbie (Bloated, plush, and purple; pull the string and she sings that damn song.)

160. Junkyard Barbie (A little like ..56, but meaner.)

161. Cut-the-Lady-in-Half-Magic-Trick-that-Went-Wrong Barbie

162. Banzai Barbie (a small tree cut into a shape that vaguely resembles Barbie)

163. Tree Hugger Barbie (Pull the string and she spouts environmentalist rhetoric.)

164. Ballistic Missile Barbie (like ..105, but more so)

165. Saloon Barbie (with Old West Saloon girl outfit and heart of solid gold)

166. Green Giant Barbie (pull string and she says "ho ho ho!")

167. Tool Time Barbie (Includes tool belt, which she has no idea how to use.)

168. P.O.W. Barbie (undernourished, tortured, and shell-shocked)

169. Lumberjack Barbie (sleeps all night, works all day)

170. Blockhead Barbie (Barbie with Charlie Brown's head)

171. Organ Donor Barbie (Just like ..101, but not necessarily dead yet.)

172. Sears Tower Window Washer Barbie (see ..9)

173. Baler Barbie (Wrapped in twine; also known as Farm Accident Barbie.)

174. Oscar Meyer Barbie (Barbie on a bun!)

175. Easter Island Barbie (the famous statue with blonde hair)

176. Banjo Barbie (complete with straw hat and Earl Scruggs CD)

177. Mick Jagger Barbie (Mick doll with Barbie's head [but Mick's lips])

178. Headgear Barbie (guaranteed to make kids with braces feel better)

179. Albino Barbie

180. Rocket Scientist Barbie (Yeah, right.)

181. Insomniac Barbie

182. French Figure Skating Judge Barbie (with dark glasses, a white cane, and a big bag of rubles)

183. Zoot Suit Ken (Hey, carnál, he looks like a real pachuco. ¿Simón, ese?)

184. Osbourne Barbie (Don't pull the fucking string, you never fucking know what she'll fucking say!)

185. Black Plague Barbie

186. Burqua Barbie (Complete with black dress and veil that hides everything but her eyes)

187. Affirmative Action Ken (you can't buy him unless you show proof that you've already bought seven female dolls and/or dolls of color)

188. Battery Acid Barbie (Barbie + H2SO4 ® Fun!)

189. Hellfire and Damnation Barbie (Pull the string and find out exactly why you're going to hell!)


Okay, sorry that's so freaking long, but that's all of them.

So, I'm not much into on-screen humiliation. I don't watch "America's Funniest Home Videos", I couldn't make it through "Meet The Parents", I have a problem watching people being hideously humiliated. Just makes me cringe.

Now, having said that, I give you some craptastical piece of footage, currently being run on like MTV2 or something like that, of Kevin Federline in the "studio" jamming to his oh-so-sad "Popozao".

It hurts me to post this, it really does, but at least having seen it once, I don't have to watch it again.
Shudder.



Though, this second little piece is rather good. It's the guys from "Attack of the Show" on G4 television making fun of it, and one of them making a song that's pretty much the fraternal twin of Mr. Federline's in ten minutes.




Both of these came to me courtesy of YouTube, duh, and Crazy Aunt Purl.

[BEGIN TRANSMISSION]

Mind if I pimp this other project I've found myself drawn to? There is a major deployment gong down this Friday. Shitheads, join us.



Kommandos Project

At least, stop by the blog and show Your Montag's humble post some love.

[END TRANSMISSION]

OK, I know it's not Sunday, but I just recently discovered this band and as is my wont I'm totally obsessing over their music. That means I have to foist my mania off on you too. The band is Yura Yura Teikoku whose website describes their sound as:

"A uniquely Japanese hybrid of Jimi Hendrix, Les Rallizes DesNudes, the Velvet Underground, 60's Japanese pop and the 13th Floor Elevators."

I'd throw in Dick Dale too, but however you want to describe them, their music is fantastic. Here's track 10 off their album 3x3x3 — Evil Car.

Borrowing a somewhat-recurring feature over at JR's place here is one of my personal favorites. DO NOT accept the cheap Carl's Jr./Paris Hilton knock-off!

First up, what Pac Man would look like live-action.
Sadly enough, except for the cheezy ghost fangs, it's probably just what someone would pitch.



I saw this over at Toph's blog, and laughed my ass off.
I love how a few well placed voice-overs can change the entire meaning of a movie...oh, and have I mentioned that Samuel L. Jackson is in every single movie coming out this year?




And, I forget where I saw this first-so if someone else's posted it, I'm sorry, I'm just forgetful!
Again, the magic of the voice-over.



"Shining". I think enough said there.

An 'abstinence only' program that just might actually work: Sex Is for Fags

Take the pledge, boys:

I, [MY NAME], hereby pledge:

1. To stay massively cool by not having sex. Because only major losers have sex – which everyone knows is only for fags.

2. To never let any slutty girls peer pressure me into touching their vaginas – because vaginas are totally gay.

3. To ignore my raging hormones and burning drive to fondle, suckle, and thrust furiously into a hot gooey pit of creamy-soft fleshy ecstasy.

4. To keep my groinal giblets inside my GAP khakis, and to punch those sweaty bits into submission whenever they percolate with desire.

5. To never spill my sacred "dude milk" – unless it is inside of some hot babe who already married me and took my last name.

Don't dispair, girls, there's a program for you too: Iron Hymen

Not sure where I found this one (smart money is on WFMU), but it freaks me the fuck out. A preacher sings a song--nothing weird about that--until about 1 minute into the song, when he starts singing like a freakin' chipmunk. I guess this guy is named Mark Fox, and his "little friend" is Lil Markie. Uh...okay.

Man, I can spend entirely too much time on Bizarre Records site. Today I decided to snag a few of my favorite religious album covers.

I filed this away in my quickly-expanding-beyond-my-control archives and forgot about it. The story is from March, so you guys probably heard about it, but it's just so weird I had to post it anyway.

Yanni sounds like a nice dude.

Thanks, of course, to The Smoking Gun for continuing to come up with the good shit.

Here's one of my favorite tunes, Moment sung by Vivian or Kazuma. You might be familiar with it as the second opening sequence for the anime Gundam Seed and I've included both the full length music video for Moment as well as the Gundam Seed opening here. If you're interested, you can find the Romanji, Kanji and translated English lyrics here.

I posted on my regular site about the old (re:closed down) nuclear power plant that's across the Columbia and down a few miles from where we live.

Well, the implosion happened today.
We were too tired to actually get up (or stay up) and watch it on television, but for your enjoyment, here is a link to the post I wrote about it.

And, local station KGW.com has more angles of implosion than you could possibly ever need.
No, really.
Slo-mo, 5 different angles...
Right.

1. The Netherlands – “Teenage Sun”
2. The Dismemberment Plan – “Superpowers”
3. Grandaddy – “Rear View Mirror”
4. Ahleuchatistas – “Remember Rumsfeld at Abu Ghraib”
5. The Raconteurs – “Broken Boy Soldier”
6. Dogs – “Tuned To A Different Station”
7. Ted Leo & The Pharmacists – “Parallel Or Together”
8. Hampton Hawes – “Tune Axle Grease”
9. Ufomammut – “God”
10. Renegades - "13 Women"