Braindead Shithead

Yeah, I said it! Beethoven's "Fur Elise" as performed by a HP ScanJet 4c. Enjoy.


(Via)

Here is an old blooper from TechTV. I feel sorry for this old guy, but it's just so damn funny.

OK, maybe we have nothing to fear from the dogs, but don't you think the cats know what we're doing to their environment? And we're teaching the animals to be tool-users, 'fer crying out loud. Who needs an old mysterious monolith when you've got the big stupid hairless apes accelerating evolution?

You know, whenever he hears The Beatles' music used for stuff like this?

Well, now that Kanye West and Jamie Foxx are totally "uncles" to baby Suri, it only stands to reason that Tom start learning what they'll be teaching her.
Will they be the bad uncles who start her on a life-long love of gangsta rap, baggy pants, and "bling"?
Maybe. If they ever get a chance to actually SEE the baby.

Anyway, Mr. Cruise went to 106 and Park on BET in his promo-stravaganza, and if you watch closely, in addition to the ever popular "knee bend", you will see that his zombie-like arm moves are actualy a very restrained version of the Official White People's Dance-that's right, the CABBAGE PATCH.





Sigh. I wish he was just jumping on a couch. That's too painful to watch again...

Via: Mr Furious

You know you are about to get dumped on a desert island. There will be a complete home entertainment center -- solar-powered? Made of coconuts ala the Professor? 5:1 surround? -- Doesn't matter. It works, and you have to select the following things to keep you going the rest of your days.

Album
Book
Film
Complete television series

What'll it be?

Ok, here I go. [Click images to go see.]

Album:

Aphex Twin - Selected Ambient Works Volume II
It's like fingernails across a chalkboard for some. I find the repetition soothing.

Book:
My favorite book is Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon, but that's not the one I'd take. I'll go with this one instead:

Alexandre Dumas - The Count of Monte Cristo
And I'd chuckle every time I picked it up; about that scene in Shawshank Redemption where the guy pronounces the author's name as Dumb-ass. It's a good thick book, a great story, and possibly some practical information in there.

Film:

Terry Gilliam - Brazil
It's like fingernails across a chalkboard for some [cough]Mrs. Montag[/cough] but it's my favorite film. It presents a view of the world that makes desert island living seem idyllic.

Complete television series:

James Cameron, Charles H. Eglee, Jessica Alba - Dark Angel
This might be an ill-advised choice because it only lasted two seasons, and the second season sucked. But the first season was great, and it would be useful for... uh... "other" reasons, as well. And again, a view of the world to make trapped-on-a-desert-island feel like paradise.

All you Shitheads can consider yourselves "tagged."

"Figure Eight" is our Multiplication Rock selection this week. I've tried to remain neutral as we plow through these little jewels, but I must admit that "Figure Eight" is my favorite. Something about the melody is so haunting. I know several musicians have done cover versions, but nothing can compare to the original.

to have a baby?

This ancient (no pun intended...well, maybe...) question is not often aimed at men, usually at the women who are now using IVF to have babies older than ever.

A British woman just got pregnant at 62, using IVF, and, dear god, she says she did it to "cement" her relationship with her current husband.
Y'know, all age inappropriate remarks aside, having a baby to "cement" a relationshipt is NEVER an adequate reason to have a child. I don't care if you're 22, 37, or 45. It's just stupid. Especially if you already have children from a previous relationship. It's one thing to want more children, that's totally separate from "Now that we're together, let's make it last (cough cough BULLSHIT cough) by having a baby!"
Millions of single mothers the world over cry "FOUL!"

In my case, my son was planned. By both of us, not just me planning and schemeing.
I also know that I was a "save the marriage" baby, a last ditch effort to make things last a little while longer. Which they did. And my father got a vasectomy while my mother was still pregnant, tried to do it behind her back, actually, which totally goes to show you how well THAT tactic worked.
On the other hand, my mother went on to have four additional children with her second husband, and in a month they have their 20th anniversary.

My mom is 56 now, and her youngest child just turned 13. I thought she was too old at 43 to have another child, especially having 4 children in 5 years, but she was doing what was right for her, and never passed the burden of child-rearing off on someone else, even me, who would have been a logical choice of "instant babysitter".

On the other hand, a former pastor and his wife, who didn't believe in birth control, had, I believe, a 31 year age gap before their first and last children. Yeah, that's healthy. She, however, DID pass the onus of childrearing onto her older children. Any time I went over to play with Beth, who was my age, she was in charge of Mikey, who was not quite 2 at the time. Eula, two years younger, was in charge of David, who was 4. I never saw a more tired, worn-out seeming woman in my life than Karen Tucker.

Anyway, Guinness has the oldest woman giving birth at age 66, one Adriana Illiescu. Adding to the whole "ew" factor inherent in that, and the argument that she can have the fun of being pushed on a wheelchair into her child's kindergarten graduation, she's also single, and from what I can find, this is her only child.
Who is going to take care of this child? As a professor and writer, I know that this is not something she went into lightly, and probably has "in case of" plans set up in triplicate, but it still beggars the question-why do this to a child in the first place? Set them up to have their only parent die while they are young?
This woman will be 80 when her daughter STARTS high school.



I'm 26, will be 27 in a few months.
My son will also be 7 in a few months.
I didn't want him to have the same problems/feelings I did growing up, with much older (11 years) and much younger (8 when Adam was born, 13 when Nathan was) siblings. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to anyone, really.
I haven't done anything permanent about it, but it's going to take quite a persuasive argument for me to have another child. I'd still like one, but I am not selfish enough just to have one because I want one. Babies aren't like ice cream cones.

Mr. Muhammed Noor Che Musa, have I got a beauty for you!

Taking into consideration your love of the older ladies, here for your consideration is Ms. Cruz Hernandez, who just turned 128 years young yesterday!




Ms. Hernandez's interests include dozing as well as napping, and still has five living children!

There may be a bit of travel involved, as she lives in El Salvador, and you and your new bride Wook live in Malaysia, but I'm sure that love can triumph over any pesky little international travel barriers!

I like schmaltz. I find it amusing and well done schmaltz I even find entertaining. So it's no surprise that I'd get a kick out of Esteban, who bears an uncanny resemblance to a middle-aged pudgy Zorro who's traded in the mask and sword for cheap sunglasses and a guitar. Oh, but he's still stylin' in that hat and he's been known to wear capes from time to time. So here's Esteban playing Fuego Malaguena. As far as Esteban goes, this is a remarkably stylish and well-done music video.

This comes to us courtesy of USA Today.



SANTA CLARITA, Calif. (AP) — A newspaper promotion for Tom Cruise's upcoming Mission: Impossible III got off to an explosive start when a county arson squad blew up a news rack, thinking it contained a bomb.

The confusion: the Los Angeles Times rack was fitted with a digital musical device designed to play the Mission: Impossible theme song when the door was opened. But in some cases, the red plastic boxes with protruding wires were jarred loose and dropped onto the stack of newspapers inside, alarming customers.

Sheriff's officials said they rendered the news rack in this suburb 35 miles north of downtown Los Angeles "safe" after being called to the scene Friday by a concerned individual who thought he'd seen a bomb.

Times officials said the devices were placed in 4,500 randomly selected news boxes in Los Angeles and Ventura counties in a venture with Paramount Pictures designed to turn the "everyday news rack experience" into an "extraordinary mission."

It was just that, at least for the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department arson squad, which destroyed the box.

"This was the least intended outcome. We weren't expecting anything like this," said John O'Loughlin, the Times' senior vice president for planning.

The devices are to remain in the boxes until May 7, two days after the film is scheduled to open.



The best part about all this? The stupid little things are going to STAY for another three days!
HA!
Can you just imagine some poor guy calls in, not having seen this article, and gets told "It's okay, sir. It is not, repeat, NOT a bomb. It is just another part of the circus that is Tom Cruise. Though, in your best interest, please do not get a paper at a paper box until the 8th, for your own safety."

That's sort of what this song, "Super Megera," reminds me of. It's by a band called Messer Chups. Cool monsters, skulls, chicks and torture, all with a weirdo surf rocker beat. Fun!

Well, I've finally found the video I've been searching for. No one in this video escapes with their dignity intact. Yes!

Madame's post below is only the beginning of the oldsters getting frisky. Below is the proof that you're only as old as you feel. Of course, you might look or sound like a complete jackass, but that isn't really the point, is it?

Georgina Dobson w/Cupboard Simon - 'The Message'.mp3
Bea Arthur - If I Can't Sell It-Personal Hygiene.mp3


Thanks to Music for Maniacs for basically providing the idea and the material for this post. Hey, I never said I was original (or creative).

It was Muhamad Noor Che Musa's first marriage and his wife's 21st, according to The Star newspaper which cited a report in the Malay-language Harian Metro tabloid.

Muhamad, an ex-army serviceman said he found peace and a sense of belonging after meeting Wook Kundor, whom he said he initially sympathized with because she was childless, old and alone, the report said.
(That's right. Just marry your great-grandchild, and it's all good.)

"I am not after her money, as she is poor," Muhamad reportedly said. "Before meeting Wook, I never stayed in one place for long."

He said he hoped to help his new bride to master Roman script while she taught him Islamic religious knowledge.

The report did not say if any of Wook's previous 20 husbands are still alive.
(Damn, Liz, get to work! You've still got plenty of good marry'n years left! I'd better get to work...man, I've only got one previous husband.)


As a conclusion, all I can say is...please god, please, if there is anything up there than can help control this shit, PLEASE don't let anyone interview them about their wedding night.
Even if all they did was sit and read and go to bed early, I don't don't don't want to know.
I don't. No, I really, really don't.

Though, not getting any time on the computer all weekend kinda helped with that.

Anyway, has anyone else heard this yet? They're called Gnarls Barkley, it's DJ Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo. Not too sure about Cee-Lo, but I've liked what Danger Mouse has done in the past.
I really dig this (dear god, did I just say "dig"? Oh well.), the singing reminds me of Moby's "Play" album. (Think "Run On")




I also really like the Rorschach (sp?) inkblots with an Escher vibe.
Good god, I just said "vibe", too!

This is cross-posted, sort of, on DFWT.

TNG's painful revelation of a Revenge of the Nerds remake made me think of this scene from the movie American Splendor. In it, the character Toby describes perfectly the attraction of the film. Also included was a clip I found of Harvey Pekar's disastrous last appearance on David Letterman's show. Oh, Harvey...will you ever learn?!?

"It's exciting because we're really keeping in mind all the mistakes that every other remake has made, and not going to make them in this one." --Wilmer Valderrama, who is set to star as Frank Poncherello in a big-screen remake of CHiPs.

Of course, if he plays the role as Fez...

Here is a lazy post, whereby Your Montag does as little work as possible -- for that is my nature -- to direct you to some good stuff.

For the women:
Check out my breasts. Guys, should check them out too. (Trust me.) You know . . . 'cause men can get breast cancer, too, you know. Yeah, that's the ticket.

An aptly titled Crazy German Guy video:


[Those two items via Thighs Wide Shut.]


[Image lifted from Neil Shakespeare who apparently lifted it from a commenter on user diespace's My Space profile.] What does it say about my personality that I chuckle every time I see this thing?

Apparently The Powers That Be have declared that Revenge of the Nerds shall be remade. Here's the Reuters article:

'Revenge of the Nerds' being remade
Monday, May 1, 2006; Posted: 11:32 a.m. EDT (15:32 GMT)

LOS ANGELES, California (Hollywood Reporter) -- Kyle Newman has signed on to direct "Revenge of the Nerds," a remake of the seminal 1984 teen comedy.

The project is being developed by Fox Atomic, the new young-adult genre division of Fox Filmed Entertainment. The studio is eyeing a summer start date.

The film reteams Newman with scribe Adam F. Goldberg, who is rewriting the latest "Nerds" incarnation.

The pair worked together on Newman's upcoming "Fanboys," which will be distributed by the Weinstein Co. Newman also penned the animated children's comedy "Gnomes."

Hey, everybody! It's time to do the Algorithm March...with ninjas!

Right click and open in new window

Okay, so you know I'm a huge James Bond fan (sorry if I shattered any illusions that I don't like cheezy things). The next film, though destined to be a commercial flop, looks very promising. Daniel Craig is a definite upgrade over Pierce Brosnan in the acting department, but it remains to be seen if he is Bond.

Now comes this French teaser trailer. It's pretty much limited to the Pre-Title Sequence and the recently filmed footage from Jamaica. It still makes me feel pretty good about the prospects of this being a quality film. Very noir feel to it, with the PTS even being in Black & White (Bond earns his 00 status). I will see this film in the theatres, which I rarely do for a Bond flick. Here is the teaser.