Braindead Shithead

2 more dipshits



wait...2 more

now that the breakup of doping cyclist lance armstrong and has-been pop singer sheryl crow is official, wrangling has begun for their one existing fat cell.

"she has tits," complained armstrong. "that should be enough fat for her!"



"no way," countered crow. "have you seen my tits? neither have i!"



the fat cell in question, which was formed shortly after crow consumed 1/2 a slice of velveeta cheese last october, is stubbornly affixed to crow's left thigh. rumors run hot that armstrong chose to leave crow as a direct result of the fat gain.

"she's really let herself go," lamented armstrong. "i didn't sign on for this kind of gluttony. i'm an athlete, dammit! still, it would be nice to have at least one fat cell. and i want that one!"

"i'm really worried about my chances of keeping the fat cell," admitted crow. "lance is all chummy with the president. he might intervene or something. this sucks. i totally need that fat cell for energy!"

custody of the fat cell will be decided by a judge later this month in austin, texas. it is unknown if the loser will be granted visitation rights.

if you are easily offended, don't like jokes about retards, black people, white people, drugs, oral sex, people of Middle Eastern descent, MLK, or Charlie Brown. otherwise...enjoy.

thanks to tng

Oo, I'm going to revel in this for awhile.

Finally! Y'know, I was actually speaking of this with a friend of mine not that long ago. It's been SO LONG since an actual postal shooting that the term is getting a little archaic! 20 years is a long time in our go-go-instant-message-technology world.

It's refreshing to see that I'm not the only one who thought that some things just need to be brought back to the basics!

So, a crazy lady in California decided to go shoot up her old workplace. I'm wondering why she decided to do it 2 years after she was put on medical leave for "psychiatric reasons", but then again, I think I just summed it up. She's crazy. Who knows what crazy will do? I mean, she got a warning from her home-town cops for being naked at a gas station. Me, if I were going to go anywhere naked, it would not be to put gas in my car. Know how much that shit can irritate your skin? And that's just the regular bits that show! I don't think I'd pick the supermarket, either-frozen food aisles are cold enough with clothes ON.
School might be okay, though.

Anyway, I love the security of this building. She drove her car in real fast behind another persons, and then stole an employee's security badge at gunpoint. That employee got off light-no bullet holes. On the other hand, I'd be rethinking that off-duty moonlighting cop, if I were you. Get some actual security, government agency!

It doesn't really say how she killed, (besides a gun), as in, no letters were left at home saying "I'm going to go kill people at my former workplace because..." That's so rude, isn't it? Really, mass killers should have SOME sort of manifesto! She may have just point and shot, or maybe remembered these people and had an especial dislike for them. "You! Bitch, you took my parking space back in December of '01! You goin' DOWN!"



In conclusion, I'm very disappointed that the USPS has such crappy security, and want to know who sold the crazy lady the gun. I hope they're feeling REALLY EMBARRASSED right about now. And a salute to Jennifer Sanmarco for bringing back a little glamour to the tired old "Going Postal".


thanks to Madame

read this joke.

pray for an answer!

you might just fall in love.