Growing up in the sticks like I did, you had only 3 channels from which to choose; ABC, NBC, and CBS. Back in the day, before premium cable, the networks actually made their own movies. Here is the opening title sequence for the ABC Friday Night Movie.




If you remember this show, you are old as fucking dirt. I don't know who Astro Boy is, but I dig this opening theme song!




I'm sure some of you old timers remember this show. Man, the Kroffts were messed up.



When we finally got cable, seeing this clip made me almost pee my pants with excitement. The one, the only, the original...HBO Flying Through Space!

It's PETA's latest attempt to convince us that... Hey! Look! Boobies!

I'm all for protecting the cute fuzzy things, and even the not-so-cute-or-fuzzy things, but I haven't agreed with PETA for the better part of 20 years. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to kill or exploit other living things period. We're not there yet. And while the dairy industry (of which I know a little bit about living in the middle of New York's dairy country) should be taken to task for many of their practices, especially the large factory farms, I just don't see these sorts of tactics making a reasoned, enlightened case for more humane treatment of animals. Indeed, some feminist groups have declared PETA's Milk Gone Wild campaign sexist. Personally, I think the feminists have a better case here than PETA.

Sorry to go all preachy on you there. Now here's the vid for you autohypnotic viewing pleasure.

Here is a video from one of my favorite bands in the 80's, Journey. Yeah, Steve Perry is no Freddie Mercury, but the dude could sing. And Neil Schon...that fro is the stuff of legend. Get out those cigarette lighters.

I apparently can't stop myself.
Look, it's the entire reason J.Lo is a celebrity!



This is one of the illustrious three. I know the words to 3 rap songs. Really, is it any wonder I know this? I wonder if anyone can guess the other 2.
And you haven't seen anything until you've seen a 12 year old white boy in Alaska do this song.

Now, this video is not for those with heart problems.
I always liked this song. Was one of those you could really get into, etc.
And then I saw the video.
Launch had "White Wedding" listed on their top 25 scariest music videos at Halloween.
So, Beth and I watched it.
I nearly choked myself to death (actual event-no exaggeration) the first time the three girls in the patent leather shook their asses.
It was awful.
And, I just want to tell Billy to NOT lipsynch as if he's puckering up to kiss something. It's SO not natural.



P.S.-see if you can tell when he gets pissed off at the shroud for catching on his jewelry. And nice to see they got the casts of "Warriors" and "Pretty in Pink" together to be wedding guests.

Here is my contribution to the whole "scary videos" thing.
Though, by rights, I should put up Billy Idol's "White Wedding". That is truly the stuff of nightmares.
Anyway, I grew up with this being on VH1 all the time, and totally loved it. This is where it all started, my love of Kraftwerk, Fatboy Slim, and any other annoying techno stuff that I will jump and exclaim over as if I'm still 13 and just discovered it for the first time.
Sad, really.
That having been said, I have the total hots for Gary Numan. Mmm. I would totally trip him and beat him to the floor. Oddly enough, I have a friend who looks like him. 'Nough said on that one, I think!
Anyway, here is "Cars". I really love that whole tambourine thing, tho my favorite part is still the mini Garys flowing down the keyboard. Really, a classic video technique.

Yeah, that's right. They're the Buggles and if anything is running through your mind other than "kick ass new wave prog" then, well, you're as perverted as I am. The Buggles!? What were they thinking? That name just conjures up images of bad British prison movies and unpleasant medical procedures. Oh well, their album The Age of Plastic more than made up for their name and is another pick from my top ten albums of the 1980s. The video... not so much.

But they were first though. Actually, I think Laurie Anderson gets credit for doing the first music video, or maybe it's Michael Nesmith -- I can't recall, but the Buggles get all the credit for ushering in the video age because theirs was the first to air on MTV.

In any case, here's Video Killed the Radio Star, which marked the debut of MTV at midnight on August 1, 1981.

And I'm not talking about the music video this time! No, the video that was done for Genesis' Land of Confusion is up there in the top ten music videos of all time as far as I'm concerned. Produced by the same gang that did the British political satire TV show Spitting Image, with the preternaturally realistic puppets, this music video captured the surreal quality of 1980s politics. And that's why I'm sad. Because back in the day we didn't think think it could get any worse than former B-movie star Ronald Reagan and his cast of a thousand crooks (what was it? 477 indicted Reagan administration officials?). We were so wrong.

But who cares about that when you've got Phil Collins? So continuing my series of 1980s music videos, here's Land of Confusion by Genesis.

Now, I'm not sure where I saw the original one of these, but man, everybody and their dog are making them.
Fully customizable, you can request whatever dimensions you want.
Though, I have a feeling that many men ask for it in an "extra large" size.
Heh.



The second one, I think, would be better if you're trying to get your partner pregnant, and have to keep your testicles nice and chilly.

If you decide to search for this shit, go to Google and look for "knitted penis cozy". I tried several other words after "penis", and they just weren't searching the right things.

Who's better? God, it's such a classic, hard to decide!

couple of goobers chasing each other




Benny Hill taken to its logical, violent conclusion




couple of goobers at McDonald's...Benny Hill style




"The Passion of Benny Hill!"

W/STAND!

Twas apparently up for auction on eBay. Alas, bidding has ended.

Don't know if my penis can take another Maine winter now that I know these bad boys exist.

OK, I hesitate to tell you this for fear of being ostracized. The truth is I'm just not cool. Growing up my favorite bands were Styx, Yes, RUSH and... Asia. The sad thing is, they still are. Oh well. Anyway, here is what I can only describe as the most uninspired music video of the 1980s. I mean, it's like they weren't even trying. Still, it's a kick ass tune from a very memorable album. Speaking of which, I have odd musical associations. For instance, I always associate Asia with Christmas. The good ones. And yet, I never got an Asia tape for X-Mas. How odd is that?

(Pursuant to the comment I left on this post over at JR's blog.)

Because I love you all, and because the only way to make the screaming stop is to share it, I give you, this Valentine's Day, the Baron of Smooth himself, Mr. R. Kelly.

Who could forget the many wonderful moment of "I believe I can fly", that amazing tribute to hope, and the uplifting of one's spirit through the joys of music?

Well, me, for one, but here, R. Kelly takes us back to the magic that is his voice, and teaches us all how to be a little more careful of what we do behind our loved one's backs.
The best part? It's supposed to be 22 goddamn parts! AHAHAHA!!!

Besides. It's so goddamn funny I still sing what I do to myself sometimes.

Parts 1-5



Chapter 6



Chapter 7



Chapter 8



Chapter 9



Chapter 10



Chapter 11



Chapter 12

I just discovered this in the trade papers.

The Weinstein Company has acquired the rights to develop and produce a feature film based on the original hit television series The Equalizer in which Robert McCall, a veteran covert operative seeking redemption for his darker exploits, quits a CIA-like agency and puts an advertisement in the newspaper that reads; Got a problem? Odds against you? Call The Equalizer. The announcement was made today by Harvey Weinstein, co-chairman of The Weinstein Company.

They had better do this right, or I'm going to be royally pissed! The Equalizer was one of my favorite shows back in the day. Edward Woodward was nails! Damn, that was a good show.

Here is the opening from the show.

Sublime weirdness. The first video is the entire Fish Head saga, complete with 2 minute opening sequence. Because I'm a helluva guy, I've also edited a second video which contains just the song sans the 2 minute opening. Aren't I swell? Of course I am.

Biggun




Small (fish) fry

I am a big man, yes I am, and I have a big gun. Got me a big old Dick, and I like to have fun. Held against your forehead, I'll make you suck it. Maybe I'll put a hole in your head, you know, just for the fuck of it.

I can reduce you if I want. I can devour. I'm hard as fucking steel; and I’ve got the power. I'm every inch a man, and I'll show you somehow. Me and my fucking gun, nothing can stop me now!

Shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot... I'm gonna come all over you!

Me and my fucking gun, me and my fucking gun, me and my fucking gun, me and my fucking gun...

--Nine Inch Nails - Big Man With A Gun

Yeah, okay, I know I went PSA happy.
But oh my god, this is a training film.
"The ABCs of Sex Education for Trainables".
It's sad and funny at the same time, mostly funny to me, so here you go.
It's like 20 minutes long, but SO worth the time!

We're all about the public here at Braindead Shithead!

Ah, the magic that is Pee Wee.



Don't make me make you watch this one again. Please.



I suddenly have the insane urge to download the music from this one...



It's just better this way.



Hey, I said "no" the last few times I was offered-how come I still haven't starred in my own choreographed midnight street dance?



Dude, I fucking LOVED these!



You'll never want to go into the kitchen again.



Why you should ALWAYS listen to your television stars.

Totally the worst music choice to put with that!
Too bad I'm technologically challenged, I think Missy Elliot's "Work it" would sound much better in there.



Some things are better kept OFF the internet, sweetheart.



Goldfish have a three second memory. This man clearly has too much time on his hands...

I loved Styx back in the day but had never seen that Mr. Roboto video until just now. Excellent. By way of response, here is the 80's video I hold in highest esteem. Owner of A Lonely Heart by Yes. I'll leave it up to the rest of you shitheads to judge how much should be called '80's cheese' and how much can be considered 'timeless classic.'

The first third of the video is pretty generic band-performing-in-empty-warehouse fare (read: boring) and then there is a section with no music that shows the band members in various settings, turning into different animals. Stick with it though, 'cause after this suckage, the song kicks back in and the video metamorphoses into some sort of Kafka-lite morality tale (read: totally awesome!)

What do you get when you combine '80s cheeze, straight men in hot pink shirts, overinflated egos and latent blue-collar xenophobic racist iconography? Why, what can only be called the single most important music video of the 1980s of course! We're overlooking the fact that there were no important music videos produced before or after the 1980s for a moment here, but I think you all see where I'm going with this. Well, it might be '80s cheeze but I like it. And I think I can say that without fear of losing your respect only because it means so little to me to begin with. So, without further delay I give you Styx and Mr. Roboto.

Thanks go to J.R. for inviting me to blog here. I'm sure he and you all will come to regret it soon enough. Next up... Ray Parker Jr. and the Ghostbusters theme. What, what, what!? Stop yer bitchin'. I'm doing it for your own good. Someone has to make you live up to your worst nightmares.