Braindead Shithead

Sunday, April 09, 2006

 

ready yourself for...THE MYSTERY HOLE!!!

As a young lad growing up in West Virginia, my mind was captivated by all manner of mystery.

Was Bigfoot living in the woods behind my house?

Would we ever get indoor plumbing?

What does tobacco juice taste like?

Little did I know that the mystery to end all mysteries lay a mere two hundred miles from my doorstep. I'm talking, of course, about...The Mystery Hole!!!

Hole_Outside.jpg

The outside looks harmless enough, but the Volkswagen Bug crashed into the side of the building is an omen. The human mind can't even comprehend the wonder and the majesty of...The Mystery Hole!!!

Hole_Exterior.jpg

At this point you realize the Universe, as you know it, is about to change forever. Everything you thought you knew about nature, physics and professional baseball will change once you enter...The Mystery Hole!!!



Your heart races. Your breathing quickens. You want to turn back but you can't! You must know what is inside. You must take the final plunge into...The Mystery Hole!!!

A sign above the door reads:
An experience that will intrigue you the rest of your life.
Nature's gravity seems to have gone haywire and your sense of balance is extremely upset.
If your heart can take it, see the laws of nature defied.
People with heart ailment, vertigo, or high blood pressure do not enter.
Not responsible for accidents or after effects.
Shoes recommended.
Why wear shoes? They'll just be knocked onto your ass, anyway!

Finally, you take a deep breath, gather your courage, take a shot of tobacco juice and descend the steps into...The Mystery Hole!!!

Hole_Demonstration.jpg

Uh...you ready to hit the gift shop?

send complaints to J.R. Kinnard  3:20 PM
Comments:
Hah! We have something like that in upstate NY, but the name is escaping me and I don't believe I remember it being promoted as masterfully as The Mystery Hole. Maybe this summer I can get you some photos of Petrified Creatures, a tourist trap not too far from me.
# posted by Blogger L : 4:28 PM
 
I love this crap! All the roadside stuff...I'm just a complete sucker for it. The tackier the better.
# posted by Blogger J.R. Kinnard : 4:45 PM
 
There's one near Crater Lake, in Oregon.
Are you smelling Road Trip?
(I've never been there, either.)
I think it has some cool name that starts with a V, but god only knows what.
# posted by Blogger Madame D : 5:09 PM
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
# posted by Blogger L : 9:17 PM
 
I love this stuff too. There used to be so much of it in upstate NY, especially in the Adirondacks off 28N and the Lake George region. I know it was a environmentally destructive lifestyle but I really miss all of that old roadside culture. The diners, sleazy motels (I wonder if the Motel of Mirrors is still on old Rt. 5 just outside of Utica on the way to Herkimer), ice cream and burger joints and especially the tourist traps. It was as if the highways were one big carnival.

Note: Deleted my earlier post 'cause I was doing the classic tired-tng-dropping-words thing.
# posted by Blogger L : 9:26 PM
 
Neural, the Motel of Mirrors is still here.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:37 PM
 
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