Braindead Shithead

Apparently, it's suddenly news in Australia that
police departments (Victoria's specifically) use the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Index, in order to weed out the crazies in their applicants. Though, I have to say, they think it takes 60-90 minutes to complete. Um, I think I did it in 15. We're not talking brain surgery here.

Yeah, it's pretty freaking common. Many, many places I've come across in my employment search use some sort of "personality questionnaire", no doubt derived from this test, and others like it.

Myself, I just took it last week, and dear god, laughed my ass off at some of the questions. Really? It's not exactly hard to figure out what you should and should not answer "true" to.

Though, for what it's worth? My favorite item was phrased something like this "Some people tell me I have a drinking problem, but I disagree". Right. How do you answer that? Yes, they do, and I disagree, which puts me in denial. False, they tell me I have a drinking problem, and I agree? Personally, I don't drink terribly often, so no, no one has told me I have a drinking problem, and no, I haven't disagreed with the nonexistent confrontation...I'm hurting my head right now.

Here are a few items that you, too, can answer true or false to.

My table manners are not quite as good at home as when I am out.
(I don't have a table at home. So, technically, I don't have table manners at all at home.)

I often hear voices without knowing where they come from.
(Are the boys in their room or DB's room? Crap, I don't know where they're coming from!)

In walking, I am very careful to step over sidewalk cracks.
(Not since I turned 8 and got a different OCD problem)

I would like to be an auto racer.
(I don't like crashing. Sorry.)

Sometimes I am so strongly attracted by the personal articles of others, such as shoes, gloves, etc, I want to handle or steal them.
(Um, does someone else's man count? Mmm, I'd like to handle HIM!)

Someone has control over my mind.
(Yeah. Me.)

I am afraid to be alone in the dark.
(Well, I do sleep with my teddy bear.)

In school, my marks in classroom behaviour were quite regularly bad.
(Quite regularly bad? Can somebody call the grammar police please?)

Dirt frightens or disgusts me.
(Only the dirt around Trojan. And Chernobyl.)

Evil spirits possess me at times.
(All my spirits are nice!)

I like repairing door latches.
(As opposed to living without a lock, yes, yes I do.)

Someone has it in for me.
(Dude, this "someone" gets around, don't they? I'll admit, that's the only part of that stupid-ass Family Circus I liked. "Someone", "Not Me", and "I Don't Know.")

In all seriousness? I understand the reason for these tests, but truly, a person has to answer honestly. And if they don't, then it's completely pointless. I took it as part of a diagnostic process that I started, but trying to give this to someone who doesn't want to participate? Pointless. And far too easy, if you've got a mind to, to figure out what the answers are that who ever's giving it wants to see. So, it annoys me that this is suddenly news.